Should Couples Schedule Sex?
Many couples I have worked with would answer this question
with a resounding “NO!” - and I understand why.
There is a common belief that scheduling
sex takes the sexy out of it.
I am not advocating for only having scheduled sex - of course spontaneous sex can be really fun too! However, some couples wait for “the sexy moment to magically strike”, and when it doesn’t…day after day and night after night, partnerships go without sex for a long time.
There are so many things that can get in the way of sex - stress, exhaustion, schedule differences, and more. People are busier than ever, and I hear clients tell me over and over that sex is one of the first things that gets bumped down on the priority list.
Hear me out…
Don’t we schedule things that are important to us and to the health of our relationships?
Date nights? We schedule.
Anniversary celebrations? We schedule.
Fun activities or travel? We schedule.
I want to ask you - is there room to push back on this message we have gotten that sex is the only thing we should not schedule? Can we switch gears from thinking it’s not romantic to realizing that prioritizing and setting time aside to connect physically is actually incredibly romantic?
When couples switch to scheduling sex, I hear things like:
“I was able to save my energy throughout the day because I knew we would be having sex later!” (Partners are less prone to feeling like sex is being ‘sprung’ on them and therefore are less prone say ‘no’ due to exhaustion).
“Since I knew when we were planning to have sex, I could shower and prepare beforehand - which ended up making me more present in the moment”
“Scheduling sex built even more trust between us because we were both following through on something really important to us.”
“We are actually having more sex now than we used to!”
“It feels like there is less pressure around sex in general.”
Will you try scheduling sex?
Here are some articles related to scheduling sex that might interest you:
Emily Nagoski - Article - The Science of Saving Your Sex Life
Pillow Talks - Podcast - How to Schedule Sex
